I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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