3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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