Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
