listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
nutella sex= disaster
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
