Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
