I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
