pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
