Can Purell be used as lube?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
