he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
