I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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