i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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