I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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