Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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