Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
