I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
