Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
