Whatcha textin bout Willis?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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