This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
