Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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