please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Sober January is a disaster.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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