but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
