return my video game
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
