At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
