I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
