Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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