Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
