I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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