I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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