Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
