Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
