What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
