Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
