Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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