I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Blood and glitter go together right?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
