I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
