I'm going to rape someone's good day.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
