Say something about gay babies.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
