im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
