What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
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I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
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There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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