when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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