please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
