just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
