at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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