Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
