his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
