Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
