textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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