I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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