Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
