If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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