What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
