Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
