Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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