you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
