Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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