I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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