I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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