If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
