took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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