I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
