I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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