oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
