I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
