Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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