hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
