the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
