i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
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Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
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you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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