1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize