so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
