Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
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I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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