How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
