i think my tv is drunk
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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